The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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