sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
