you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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