i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The air taste purple.
Randomize