I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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