she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would ride that face into the sunset
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
