I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my liver is dry heaving
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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