I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
