I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
