Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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