I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
