I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
