do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He has the fingertips of a God
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
