Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My vagina is officially offended.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
