i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
