we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
