Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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