why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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