you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
