good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
