well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
