Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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