Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize