I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's official drugs can't kill me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize