im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
