I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
