we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
