Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
