Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
