I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
