then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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