Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
