OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
