dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize