he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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