Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
