Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
