Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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