Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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