i love accidental penises.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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