Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
