All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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