I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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