1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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