I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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