god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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