She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
