Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
