I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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