I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
