My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think your dad took our porno
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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