Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
