And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
