sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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