I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Terrible idea I love it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize