I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
