I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
