If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
