I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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