she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
