she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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