So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dignity is for republicans.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So squirting runs in the family.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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