can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can't put those talents on a resume
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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