Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The best revenge is premature balding
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
