i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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