Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
