i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize