I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
