What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
