its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
