She is in my trunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize