Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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