so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
