Ketchup is God's man juice
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
