May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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