I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck appropriateness.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
