she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
