Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
