Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
