I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
