so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
