I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
