I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
