I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
