Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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