You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
People in love make me want to vomit
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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