He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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