i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
