I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A bitchslap is in order.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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