I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
