Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my shit smells like andre
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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