There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize