I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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