She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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