weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I lost the right to judge tonight
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
