I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
