I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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