why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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